Randomings and the Epilepsy Rant

I've been meaning to post for awhile. Never seem to get around to it. So I'm taking five and catching up.

I unplugged from Facebook. It's scary. I feel adrift, but noticed that I have considerably more time on my hands.

I've gone back to piano. What does that mean, you ask? Many moons ago, I stopped my studies to get my ARCT in piano pedagogy. After many months (years) of musings, and the need to so something totally unrelated to the world of Autism and Infantile Spasms, I've decided (with my husband's blessings and support, of course) to complete my education. Cool eh? I feel very suave and sophisticated telling people that I'm now studying with a Russian-trained piano instructor at the University. :)

Speaking of Autism, very good news! They finally hired a second tutor to replace our girl that left in November! The new girl starts in two Mondays from now. We're all very excited.

Abby is doing well/not well. She's finally over her sinus/ear infection that took two rounds of antibiotics to clear up (that's the "doing well" part). She's still having seizures (the "not well" part). Several times a day. I'm feeling a certain level of frustration because they don't seem to be doing anything...

They've increased her VPA from 200 mg BID (daily total 400 mg) to 200 mg BID then 300 mg OD (daily total 700 mg). She's at almost 100% increase, but we see no improvements. I still haven't actually talked to the neurologist, just the nurse-clinicians. They've mentioned maybe having us make the trip in to see them, but won't give me a date. I asked when do we stop just increasing a single medication that doesn't seem to be doing very much, and when do we try something else. Their answer is that she still has "room to increase" based on her weight and trough levels (last at 73, should be between 50 and 100), so they'll just carry on for awhile yet.

No EEG has been done to see what's up, and no other tests have been done except the trough levels, ALT for liver functions and CBCs. I'm getting antsy. I want to know if the seizures are coming from the same place as before. Do they have the same profile? We should be outgrown the Infantile Spasms, so now what the hell is this? She's definately having complex partials, but I couldn't tell you how many. At least three a day, although I suspecct more because I can't keep my eyes on her every waking second as much as a try.

I lay in bed at night, trying to visualize a path for us. It's very blank. I feel like we're at a dead end, and uncharted waters. I realize now that we will probably always have seasons in her life where we will be struggling with this disorder, but it's been a long time since I've really understood what that means.

I read a great post last night. It's a blog I've followed for a long, long time, another child affected by IS. She talks about IS being a symptom, not the disease. I had thoughts like that before, but was never able to articulate it. I envy her, because for all of their struggles, they finally had an answer. We've never gotten answers, and because Abby did so well for 19 months, we weren't overly concerned about that. We had hoped that part of our life was over with. But now, suddenly, the need for answers is very real and very urgent to me.

Bah, enough already. Onward with my day to be productive! Or at least a reasonable facsimilie thereof.