God has been taking me on an interesting journey.
The centralness of my Catholic faith fills up and the wanes from the centre of my life periodically... we're in the "filling up" phase right now. It's Lent, and I've been thinking an awful lot about sin. I'm not sure if it's in a good way or a bad way. Is there a good way to think about sin?
Without divulging my secrets here, I'm gaining insight into why we have Reconciliation. To those who don't know, it's the "new" name for Confession. But Confession wasn't sufficient as far as names and labels go; there's more to it than just reciting a litany of the darkness of your soul. Reconciliation can be life-altering. I know of at least one instance in my own life where it has been. And I think that I'm approaching that point again, when that need to reconcile what I was with what I'm meant to be is coming to a head.
I realize today that God provides a path for us to follow. I have prayed for days, weeks, to reconnect with my daughter, from whom I feel increasingly distant as she spends the bulk of her day with her tutors. By the end of her "work" day, I'm busy with supper and dishes, and then bed. I don't get "quality" time with her. What does God do? He sends snow!! Unexpectedly, our afternoon tutor cancels due to weather today, and I'm left thinking, "What do I do with this child of mine this afternoon?" Amazingly, her baby sister napped, and we got time together. She helped me unload the dishwasher. We made cookies. We sat around and ate cookies. We looked at books. We roughhoused and played. It was a wonderful experience that suddenly helped me connect with my child again (and allowed me to see how much she's grown up the past weeks and months!!!) I feel like I can resume being her mother.
I have other paths to follow. I get the sense that God has laid a road for me to follow in the coming months, and I want to be obedient and travel it. I'm hoping it will lead me to where I think it's going, but I'm okay if it takes me somewhere else too. I finally feel like my life has direction again after years of being adrift. There's a role for me and my family in this larger community, and my greatest desire is to fill it.
However, instead of going it alone like Dr. Seuss predicted, I'm going by the grace of God and the help of my friends and family.
It's gonna be an awesome ride.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Oh! The Places You'll Go!
God has been taking me on an interesting journey.
The centralness of my Catholic faith fills up and the wanes from the centre of my life periodically... we're in the "filling up" phase right now. It's Lent, and I've been thinking an awful lot about sin. I'm not sure if it's in a good way or a bad way. Is there a good way to think about sin?
Without divulging my secrets here, I'm gaining insight into why we have Reconciliation. To those who don't know, it's the "new" name for Confession. But Confession wasn't sufficient as far as names and labels go; there's more to it than just reciting a litany of the darkness of your soul. Reconciliation can be life-altering. I know of at least one instance in my own life where it has been. And I think that I'm approaching that point again, when that need to reconcile what I was with what I'm meant to be is coming to a head.
I realize today that God provides a path for us to follow. I have prayed for days, weeks, to reconnect with my daughter, from whom I feel increasingly distant as she spends the bulk of her day with her tutors. By the end of her "work" day, I'm busy with supper and dishes, and then bed. I don't get "quality" time with her. What does God do? He sends snow!! Unexpectedly, our afternoon tutor cancels due to weather today, and I'm left thinking, "What do I do with this child of mine this afternoon?" Amazingly, her baby sister napped, and we got time together. She helped me unload the dishwasher. We made cookies. We sat around and ate cookies. We looked at books. We roughhoused and played. It was a wonderful experience that suddenly helped me connect with my child again (and allowed me to see how much she's grown up the past weeks and months!!!) I feel like I can resume being her mother.
I have other paths to follow. I get the sense that God has laid a road for me to follow in the coming months, and I want to be obedient and travel it. I'm hoping it will lead me to where I think it's going, but I'm okay if it takes me somewhere else too. I finally feel like my life has direction again after years of being adrift. There's a role for me and my family in this larger community, and my greatest desire is to fill it.
However, instead of going it alone like Dr. Seuss predicted, I'm going by the grace of God and the help of my friends and family.
It's gonna be an awesome ride.
The centralness of my Catholic faith fills up and the wanes from the centre of my life periodically... we're in the "filling up" phase right now. It's Lent, and I've been thinking an awful lot about sin. I'm not sure if it's in a good way or a bad way. Is there a good way to think about sin?
Without divulging my secrets here, I'm gaining insight into why we have Reconciliation. To those who don't know, it's the "new" name for Confession. But Confession wasn't sufficient as far as names and labels go; there's more to it than just reciting a litany of the darkness of your soul. Reconciliation can be life-altering. I know of at least one instance in my own life where it has been. And I think that I'm approaching that point again, when that need to reconcile what I was with what I'm meant to be is coming to a head.
I realize today that God provides a path for us to follow. I have prayed for days, weeks, to reconnect with my daughter, from whom I feel increasingly distant as she spends the bulk of her day with her tutors. By the end of her "work" day, I'm busy with supper and dishes, and then bed. I don't get "quality" time with her. What does God do? He sends snow!! Unexpectedly, our afternoon tutor cancels due to weather today, and I'm left thinking, "What do I do with this child of mine this afternoon?" Amazingly, her baby sister napped, and we got time together. She helped me unload the dishwasher. We made cookies. We sat around and ate cookies. We looked at books. We roughhoused and played. It was a wonderful experience that suddenly helped me connect with my child again (and allowed me to see how much she's grown up the past weeks and months!!!) I feel like I can resume being her mother.
I have other paths to follow. I get the sense that God has laid a road for me to follow in the coming months, and I want to be obedient and travel it. I'm hoping it will lead me to where I think it's going, but I'm okay if it takes me somewhere else too. I finally feel like my life has direction again after years of being adrift. There's a role for me and my family in this larger community, and my greatest desire is to fill it.
However, instead of going it alone like Dr. Seuss predicted, I'm going by the grace of God and the help of my friends and family.
It's gonna be an awesome ride.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Developmentally Appropriate
After last entry's wallow in self-pity, I wanted to focus on something positive. :)
We had our first fight over a toy last night. I was overjoyed! Why? It was normal. It was a glorious, normal sibling behaviour! Success came as a screaming, hair-pulling, push and shove rumble over the toy piano.
I'm amazed at how far Abby has come in recent months. When we started ABA in November 2008, she often tantrumed, didn't point, hardly vocalized, didn't really wave hi or bye, didn't know how to colour a picture or paint, and rarely made eye contact. Now, thanks to the hard work from her "team", there are rarely tantrums, she points and asks, "up" (OMG!), waves hi and bye with gusto (and even makes eye contact while doing it!), loves colouring and painting, and trying soooo very hard to speak (she actually says 6 words)!
And now, to do something as socially aware and as developmentally appropriate as fight with her sister over a toy... let me tell you, my heart is aflutter with joy. I'm even really excited that I've bought her puzzles rated for ages 3+... I can't remember the last time I bought her a toy that's actually for her age group (instead of for infants).
Now, someone please remind me of this moment in six months when I'm complaining about how they're always fighting over toys....
We had our first fight over a toy last night. I was overjoyed! Why? It was normal. It was a glorious, normal sibling behaviour! Success came as a screaming, hair-pulling, push and shove rumble over the toy piano.
I'm amazed at how far Abby has come in recent months. When we started ABA in November 2008, she often tantrumed, didn't point, hardly vocalized, didn't really wave hi or bye, didn't know how to colour a picture or paint, and rarely made eye contact. Now, thanks to the hard work from her "team", there are rarely tantrums, she points and asks, "up" (OMG!), waves hi and bye with gusto (and even makes eye contact while doing it!), loves colouring and painting, and trying soooo very hard to speak (she actually says 6 words)!
And now, to do something as socially aware and as developmentally appropriate as fight with her sister over a toy... let me tell you, my heart is aflutter with joy. I'm even really excited that I've bought her puzzles rated for ages 3+... I can't remember the last time I bought her a toy that's actually for her age group (instead of for infants).
Now, someone please remind me of this moment in six months when I'm complaining about how they're always fighting over toys....
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Tangible Creativeness
I've been neglectful of this thing recently... I'm apparently no better keeping up a blog than writing in my diary as a child. I never kept a diary on a daily basis, but I did keep journals. I would write in them sporadically as the mood would strike me, often after swooning over the boy I liked, or having a fight with my mother. Someone once gave me one of those dairies that locked, and had the dates all pre-entered so you could write every day. I did try writing every day, stuff like, "Today I ate an orange." The sporadic journal was much more interesting.
Now days, my life generally keeps me away from writing. I think about what I want to write, but then someone has a poopy diaper, or supper needs to be made, or laundry needs to be folded. I never seem to get a chance to sit down and do the things I want. Such is the life of a grown-up, I suppose.
I didn't keep the journals, but I kept a lot of the "creative writing" stuff that ended up in it. My goal was to someday publish it (I was foolish enough to think that I could some day be a published writer!). I even had a name picked out for the collection: The Better Half of Works, Undone. And I would lead it off with this piece:
Instinctive Writings
Word of mouth
Bird of flight
I see the shadows
I believe in light
No falling down
No place to run
The hunt is on
To find the sun
Darkness fell
The light protrudes
I can’t decided
Know not to do!
I cannot see
Seem to breathe
Falling shallow
Set me free
Purple wars
Welcome doors
Open sores
Pages torn
Instinctive writings
Word of mouth
No use fighting
I’m falling down
Dryness reigns
Terror parched
Life begins
The soldier marched
Seeing blind
Holding on
Blackness choking
Life's own song
Autumn rising
Summer sets
Winter looming
No springtime yet
Instinctive writings
Word of mouth
No use fighting
I’m falling down
Now days, my life generally keeps me away from writing. I think about what I want to write, but then someone has a poopy diaper, or supper needs to be made, or laundry needs to be folded. I never seem to get a chance to sit down and do the things I want. Such is the life of a grown-up, I suppose.
I didn't keep the journals, but I kept a lot of the "creative writing" stuff that ended up in it. My goal was to someday publish it (I was foolish enough to think that I could some day be a published writer!). I even had a name picked out for the collection: The Better Half of Works, Undone. And I would lead it off with this piece:
Instinctive Writings
Word of mouth
Bird of flight
I see the shadows
I believe in light
No falling down
No place to run
The hunt is on
To find the sun
Darkness fell
The light protrudes
I can’t decided
Know not to do!
I cannot see
Seem to breathe
Falling shallow
Set me free
Purple wars
Welcome doors
Open sores
Pages torn
Instinctive writings
Word of mouth
No use fighting
I’m falling down
Dryness reigns
Terror parched
Life begins
The soldier marched
Seeing blind
Holding on
Blackness choking
Life's own song
Autumn rising
Summer sets
Winter looming
No springtime yet
Instinctive writings
Word of mouth
No use fighting
I’m falling down
Of course, in return for giving up that aspect of my creativeness, I have my life, and for that I'm thankful. And my husband and I have created a wonderful, beautiful life together and two gorgeous children. Why I didn't think of those things as tangible until just now is beyond me...
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